Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
