Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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