You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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