if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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