it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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