The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
