Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
