Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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