she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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