Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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