i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
