I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Someone signed my nipple.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
