People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
