This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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