Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
