I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
