She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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