I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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