I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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