This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
