I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
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