yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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