remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
