There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
