Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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