Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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