is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
