Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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