Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
True college students do jello shots in the library
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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