Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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