I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.