trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.