I can text with my tongue
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
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She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
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I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.