if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
