I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize