Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
