I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
