Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
