can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
