I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
