Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
