my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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