My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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