don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
