Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
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He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
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So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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