Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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