worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
