you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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