please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
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My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
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I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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