Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
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I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
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I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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