May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
