Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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