we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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