somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
