dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
