Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
