i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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