Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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