Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
