Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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