We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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